Hi. My name is Denise Tucker and this is my weight loss journey story.  I have over 25 years’ experience with obesity, yo-yo dieting, depression, and not living my authentic self.  I used to weigh 345 lbs. Wow, just even writing it down, even to this day forces me to pause and think. How did I let myself get that far?  Why did I not love myself enough to stop? Why was I so unhappy in my life? On the outside to me it looked like I was out of control. I just didn't care about my looks and I didn't care about what other people thought about me. That was all bullshit. That was me burying my head in the sand and not dealing with my emotions. Well, actually I was dealing with my emotions - but let's be real here.  I dealt with them the way a lot of people deal with them and that is to eat. I was unhappy, so I ate. I celebrated by eating when I had success. When I had people around me, I had food as the connection between me and them. So, on the outside I looked like I was out of control and on the inside it was the same.  

 

I am not that one who declares I had a dream of running a marathon. That’s just not me and that’s ok. My dreams were different. Being obese for so long, I wanted to not feel tired anymore, shop for clothes at regular stores, stop the ups and downs, and live a life that is what’s best for me and not what people think is best. For lack of a better word… I dreamt to be normal and not stick out in a crowd in a bad way. I wanted control over my life instead of food controlling me. I wanted to walk into a room full of people and focus on what everyone was saying instead of what was on the menu, and wondering when we could eat it. How do I keep myself focused on the outer conversation with friends and not on the inner conversation of “what can I get to eat, how much will be on the plate, why isn’t it coming fast enough, and what can I have for dessert”? I did not want to feel sick anymore because I had overeaten and then having to go lay down to let it settle in my stomach. 

 

When you are 345 lbs you feel that no one understands you. How can they truly understand you when they don't live and breathe every single day what you go through? They don't understand that each and every moment of the day the thoughts of weight and managing it in this world are constantly on your mind. When you wake in the morning, it is the question of what can I wear today that actually fits and doesn’t make me look bigger than I am. My wardrobe was pretty much the color black. What am I going to eat today? Am I going to use this day as an opportunity to start a “diet” and finally get my life on track or will I fail as usual? Will I feel invisible today? I hope so, because I hate people looking at me. It's uncomfortable getting into a car. I have a son to raise so I have to give all my energy to him and I have none left for myself. I work really hard at my job because I have to be successful at something in my life. Friends ask me to go for lunch with them. That’s exciting because I don’t have to eat the cardboard lunch I made for myself today. Now to the next challenge,  what restaurant and will I be able to sit in those chairs. Would anyone truly understand that after a long day at work, all I can think about is what can I get for supper that is quick and easy, and don’t forget to stop off at the convenience store to get your after-supper snack of three chocolate bars and a big bag of chips.

 

The day I became “comfortably numb to being uncomfortable”  I was the biggest I had ever been… 345 lbs. My son was at a science show at his school. Every year the school would have an open house in the auditorium where all the parents could go and walk around and see all the kid’s science experiments. My son was excited to show me his and I was excited too. I walk in the auditorium wearing jeans and a top that really was too tight for me, with a long jean jacket that covered my butt. At that stage, I wore that jacket all the time to cover up. It was like my security blanket to hide behind. I walk around looking at all the kids displays and see some moms and dads that I recognized and said hello. I made it around to my son’s display and he was proud to show me his accomplishment. I stayed for a little bit when I caught my son looking at me and he looked a bit upset. I asked him what’s wrong and he said politely it was ok for me to leave now, I didn’t need to stay. Something inside me felt there was more to it than that but he seemed persistent so I just thought it was him trying to show his independence and not have mom around. My son came home after the show, and we went to sleep for the night. The next day, we got in the car to drive to my parents’ house two hours away. He buckled up in the backseat and was excited to go see nan and pop. My gut was nagging at me to ask him why he wanted his mom to leave the science fair last night. And so I asked. The car went silent and when I turned around to look at him, he was crying. I knew deep down inside it was because of my weight and how he felt about it. I don’t know why or how I knew… I just did. I quietly asked him if he was embarrassed to have his mom there because of my weight. He continued to cry harder. He said, mom, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I told him I am proud of him for being so brave and telling me, and I loved him. That it was ok to feel something about it. We talked about it a bit more and he fell asleep for the rest of the drive. When he fell asleep, I quietly cried…  but a hard, gut-wrenching cry. He didn’t want to hurt my feelings but he does feel something about my weight and how I don’t look like the other moms. In a perfect world, I would say that after that day, I lost all the weight and never had a problem ever again. That would be a great movie! Not so. It was a day, the day, that really sparked me to start to look inside and ask myself why I am the way I am. It was the moment that started my journey which took years, with ups and downs, successes and failures. But, it is the moment in my life that I will always remember as the day I took my head out of the sand and started to deal with my weight. This was the day that I went from feeling comfortably numb to being uncomfortable. 

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Please know, I understand, I have been there. I lost 160 lbs. but I still struggle – the struggle is real. The big difference within me is that it does not control my life anymore, I control it.  I want to teach you all the gifts that have been given to me because I believe that knowledge is POWER.  I want to share these gifts with you so you too can be successful. Starting in 2015, I was able to change my lifestyle and become who I was meant to be, my authentic self.  You too can be your authentic self.  Now is the time to take that first step - create your own weight loss journey story by booking a free 30-minute consultation with me today.